[DELETED] -- 00:00AM 00/00/0000

I think a key indicator of unintelligence is being unable to comprehend the existence of a worldview other than your own

[DELETED] -- 00:00 AM 00/00/0000

An old friend reached out to me the other day via text. I haven't responded yet.

"Hey Erica, its been awhile! I know we kinda lost touch over the years, im sorry for my part in that. I would love to reconnect. Also, if you remember, its my birthday next month! I'm kind of doinfg a big thing for my 21st, inviting a lot of people, so please let me know if youre interested!!! The party is on the 14th of February. Hopefully this is still your number lol"

Of course I remembered your birthday, Joan. It was etched into my mind the moment you told me. A party invite??? Out of the blue??? It makes me wonder what made her think of me. Maybe she has always wanted to reach out, like me. I guess either way she made it easier for me.

I haven't even been to a party in so long... And there's probably so many new friends she has that I would be weird around... I don't even know how to begin to respond to this. Well, I know what I wish I could say:

We never should have grown apart, I miss you so much!!!

Is the rest of our old friend group coming? We should all have a get together!!!

There is so much we need to talk about!!

...

I wish we talked about the things we never talked about

...

I wish we did the things we said we would do when we got older

...

I wish we got closer

...

I wish I could spend every day with you

...

I wish I had the chance to tell you I loved you

Fuck -- 04:16AM 10/31/2018

"Sorry, I just got this message. I would love to come, I'll have to check my schedule! Looking forward to it."

Fuck my life

untitled -- 03:30PM 12/02/2018

What's even the point of having a blog if I just end up deleting half the stuff I post

Christmas -- 10:11AM 12/23/2018

I never really liked the idea of Christmas as a holiday. In fact, I never felt a huge attachment to any holiday.

I mean, I like the idea of having to think about the people in your life and getting them a gift you know they will like. It always felt good when someone appreciated a gift I gave them. But the holiday just feels so capitalized on it kind of loses its meaning

Also, I'm not a very religious person so that aspect doesn't really apply to me

Family -- 06:00PM 12/25/2018 (edited)

Sigh...

I think most people, especially those with lives similar to mine, can agree that familial love is really complicated. Of course you love them unconditionally, but it's really hard to ignore the pain that comes with it God, you really hate them sometimes, lol

Through their beaming smiles and thin lips, they speak with undertones that cut like knives

They don't understand that they are trying to talk to a person that doesn't exist anymore

Do they just expect me to forget? Or do they truly beleive that what happened wasn't an issue?

It was real and it happened to me. And visiting is like returning to a war torn city that refuses to believe that a war ever happened.

The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference

Family, am I right?

[DELETED] -- 00:00AM 00/00/0000

chrisrmas